a new day

a new me

i woke up

not sad

i didnt shit on myself..so so far so good

my stomach is so freakn sensitive

have u ever masterbated and u knew that your gf or bf was in the driveway so u had to hurry up or stop

lol

i creid and cried and cried today

screaming at my gf

squeezing my ice cream sandwich

spitting while yelling

crying so hard i couldnt breathe

so angry so angry

i dont know why i was so upset it started off about cheese but if yu watch oprah you know it's never about the cheese

i think it is the late hours i have been keeping

my doctor said staying up late would cause me to have a manic episode

she failed to mention it would make me shit on myself

yes thats right

i thought it was just a fart but i crapped in my pants

so gross

ugh

bad day

i have ibs going on right nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww www

okay i'm back

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numa numa dance

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A CLASS FULL OF PEOPLE DOING THE NUMA NUMA DANCE

:shock:

this log is my secret log..that no one knows about

none of my friends and family know about this

bc i want to be free to say anything i want without retribution

without hurt feelings

without reaction

i just want to say what i want, when i want, how i want

angry

i'm selfish

egocentric

i think that all people who blog are egocentric...why would anyone want to read anyone else's blogg...come on

i'm self absorbed

i dont want to be....

see how long u can go without saying "I"

i dont want to be selfish...but it's painfull to change

[IMG]http://i2.photobucket.com/alb...[/IMG]

GOING TO THE DENTIST

are we real what constitutes real ...if we can feel....

STILL ALIVE AND LOVING MYSELF

just went to riteaid and for the first time ever...i didnt buy any junk food...isnt that awesome

Date:	2005-03-20 21:30
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	rejuvenated

i am loved
i wont let myself be happy...why?
because i was molested by my father
bc i'm fat
bc i do not feel worthy.....

i am loved
l forgive myself for being molested
i forgive myself for not respecting myself and sleeping with people i didnt love, barely liked
l forgive myself for being fat
i forgive myself for taking drugs, for being self destructive to my body

i am worthy and loved

i've been fighting myself with succeeding in life
i;ve been so destructive to myself..

i won't let myself be healthy...spiritually or mentally

i've worked a sucky ass program...bc i cant let myself be healthy
i've been self destructive with food and "picking" aka self mutilation

i forgave my dad
i forgave my mom

forgive me.....i forgive me......i forgive me for judging me so harshly

i judge myself more than i would ever judge anyone else

l have to work on loving myself
respecting myself

i dont want to be on self destruct anymore

i was on self destruct on a fast track with drugs and alcohol
i switched it to a slower track with food and self mutilation

everyday

i love you
i forgive you
you deserve everything that life has to offer
you deserve success in everything
you are a precious child of God

you are human...not perfect

you are loved

you are funny

you are talented

you are intelligent

you are kind

you are beautiful

you are loved and precious and BECAUSE you were CREATED

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